Little Pink Houses

"Your home should tell the story of who you are, and be a collection of what you love." 

- Nate Berkus

***

Actual quotes that have been uttered from my lips.

"I could live in one of those tiny houses you see on Facebook."

"I don't need a television."

"I don't need a balcony."

"I don't need a microwave."

"I don't need a couch.  I'm not going to have any visitors anyways."

"I'm going to be the perfect example of minimalist living."

****

Those tiny houses you see on Facebook do not have plumbing.   That idea was rather short lived and turned into a hard NO once I saw the porta potty style toilet that I can imagine around January is a wee bit chilly.   (No pun intended on the wee wee.)

I currently do not have a television, although when I failed at my attempt to cancel Bell (like many of the population), I was sold on alt-TV "just in case" television, "in case" I decided I missed it and wanted to watch shows online.   

I didn't have a television until McDonald's Canada invested in the perfect virtual dream office for our team and Surprise! - I now have a screen en route that, upon arrival, will be just big enough, that on that "off chance" I want to watch television with my non-cable Al-TV, well I just could.

I think I've hyperventilated at least once that if there was a fire, I do not have a balcony and I might have to break a window and jump on top of the rooftop at the Village Square.  Oh, and speaking of fire alarms, I've set it off a total of 6 times in less than 30 days.   Apparently if I turn the oven on to 400 degrees, I need to open a window.   So, 350 it is.   Low and slow baby.   Low and slow.

After 3 days of (yes, the fire alarm going off), as I tried to reheat chicken and vegetables in a frying pan at lunchtime, my Google search looked like this -

World's smallest microwave

Condo sized microwave

Rolling cart for little microwave that can be stored discreetly

Smallest microwave delivered to Canada within 24 hours

Unique, retro microwave for small spaces

3 days in, I ordered a microwave that I proudly have used EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Nothing was more exciting than my Fortino's trip for those teeny microwave single serving bags of popcorn.   I haven't opened them, but it's good to know that if I ever watched a movie or television show on my non-TV that is being delivered soon, that I could make popcorn in the world's smallest microwave I did not think was necessary to own.

It's been 30-some odd days of sitting on a meditation pillow on the floor and you know, this whole couch thing was due for a revisit while I was at it.

Me: Why do I have to have a living room?   I mean, living rooms are for couches and televisions and people visiting.   I really just live in like a hotel room and I probably don't need a couch at all.   It's just a waste of space and money really.

Also me -

Dear Store Manager,

Thank you for your email explaining that my couch has been delayed beyond December 9th.   I can't even begin to tell you what an inconvenience this is when I'm sitting on an Ugg blanket on the floor with no furniture.   Is there anything you can do to expedite this order?   I might have to get a refund and shop elsewhere if this delay extends much further.

Many thanks for your urgency to this matter,

Sarah

***

I tried real hard, though, at this whole minimalist thing.   I threw out yearbooks, awards from high school, Christmas cards from the 1990's, notes I passed back and forth in school, photo albums (after I madly snapped photos so I had digital versions just in case), CD's in binders, and knick knacks and bins I've carted from home to home and across countries.

There were some slight heart palpitations over letting go of all the baggage I love to carry around, but I thought I was doing really well.

"Hi.  Um, can you please store my golf clubs and my snow tires?"

"Hi.   I'm so sorry to ask you this.   Can you please store 2 or 3 Christmas bins for me?  I promise I'll go through them when it's Thanksgiving."

Now I feel like someone who has borrowed money and owes it all over the place with my random shit that is being stored at various locations.   I might need to make an inventory list and keep it posted in a cupboard somewhere.

"Do you want to go golfing next week?" (I still dream that this is a real sentence someone might ask me.  I also dream I actually can play.)

"Golfing.   Golf.   Hmmmm... Yep, yep I could.   As soon as I contact Michelle, drive to Guelph, pick up my clubs (assuming they aren't buried under her own items somewhere) - definitely needs to be at least next week but you can count me in."

I have golf clubs here, snow tires there and a few random boxes I haven't gone through somewhere else.

***

But what's so incredible is the cost to live minimally.

The deal was I needed to have every corner of space (since I have so little of it) to be useful, have a purpose, be functional and preferably look good.   (This is where the cha-ching starts coming in).  

I needed to buy a shoe rack to make better use of the small space.   And a microwave stand to house the freaking microwave I was certain I would not need.   And a brass gold console table (because my bench was kinda broken and this one looks so much cooler) and a new brass curved light (because brushed gold brass is where it's at and it's a very functional light that will help me read at night time) and a desk that has glass sides because the appearance is much more minimalist and deceiving to the eye and .... 

Habitat for Humanity is very happy with my never ending donations of things that don't fit my space(I knew volunteering was in my future this year.   So glad I can be helpful) and they continue to say things like "this is such a great chair.  Thanks for donating" at which I smile and say "yes, I am downsizing" while almost choking on my coffee.

Yes sir.

Minimalist living is all the rage.

***

The other stellar reason I chose the place I'm living is that the bathroom is to die for.

Two sinks (they are like stations.  The teeth cleaning station and the hair drying station.   Note  that the hair drying station is institutionally clean and unused)

A glass shower and a tub.

The tub was the highlight of my choice to be here in my minimalist existence and I spent hours choosing the right Himalayan sea salt and rose petal beads that I was sure I would use everyday.  Brand new, of course, but very functional in the minimalist living space - and first used, after 35 days - yesterday.

Epic fail as the salts did not dissolve and the rose petals were stuck in my hair like I had dreadlocks and twigs weaved in them by the time I got out.

Phone call to my Mom:

I'd like bath salts for Christmas.  Can you make sure it's just the salts, nothing fancy like petals in it or anything.  Just the salts.  

I didn't tell her I'm simple.  She knows better than that and just laughed when I told her I might find a rose petal in my hair next week.

***

If I was to buy stocks in anything, I would pick Etsy, Wayfair and Amazon. (I generally always have a theory on where to buy stocks that is where I'm spending the majority of my pay cheque.  I don't even know if these places are publicly traded.)  

I also spend an obnoxious amount of time on Pinterest searching things like "boho chic" decor or "mediation zen like rooms" or you guessed it - "minimalist living".

They all seem to have plants and greenery and twinkle lights that look part-greenhouse, part-Christmas. 

So I have 4 plants.

1 of which I have owned for the past 5 years, without issue, and almost killed in less than 30 days.

When I say killed, I mean I love these plants so dearly, they are drowning.  I have nothing to look after except microwaving my lunch and watering plants.   

Then one day, my cactus (apparently they don't need much water.  Who knew?) dropped an entire leaf.   I was mortified.   I am doing so much for this damn plant, how on earth is it losing a leaf.

Now, I'm no botanist or anything, but I'm giving these things plenty of love.   Water, sunlight, talking to them everyday.

Leaf down.

Shit.

Google

> How to know if plants have been overwatered?

> Why are ends of leaves yellow?

> How often to water plants that don't need water?

Dear God, I'm drowning my plants.

I love when someone gives you a housewarming gift of a plant and says "Don't worry - this is the kind you can't kill".

Wanna bet?

Over/ Under is 33 days.   

You pick.

So my plants are currently on a 3 day fast.   They clearly are in need of the Sahara desert and sunshine so, no more food for them.   I am praying and hoping for a dramatic recovery in the plant infirmary by the end of the week.  Fingers crossed.

***

I am so zen'd out in here, there should be an admission charge.

I have a crystal energy plate to "balance the vibrations".   A salt lamp that disperses essential oils around the room.   A little tree of healing stones with 300 stones (haven't counted them but so the lovely man who owns the store told me that's how many there is and it's imported from India so it has to be true) and a set of tarot cards because you never know when I might need a good side gig.

As I sit on my mediation pillow on the floor with my sound machine playing the "relax" mix, looking at my vision board displaying those over the water huts in the Maldives, I can't help but giggle a little.

I'm kinda part small space living, mixed with a bit of Boho, combined with a teaspoon of Yogi "hope and peace for all", all wrapped up in a blush pink duvet, with some twinkle lights to guide the way.

Well, Nate Berkus, I think we're almost there.

(Not an actual replica of my living room.  These plants are on a proper diet).