The Goal Setting Police

I can hear the sirens now getting louder and louder as December unfolds.

The Goal Setting Police are coming.

We are 19 days away from counting down with that New Year's Rockin Eve to the last drink, last bite of chocolate, last cigarette or last carb, and this is where we all start to create those grandiose ideas of what we are giving up January 1st.

Last year, my decision to "give up wine during the week" lasted one full day.

(And only because the liquor store was closed).

Until November, when I gave it up for the month, and then again in December when I decided to "change the way I drink" which is completely different to "giving it up" altogether.   

So, I have had 4 drinks since December 1st - and not that I require a medal for this move, but I'm rather pleased about it (and so is my liver, I believe.) 

(I lied.   It was 5.   It was a bottle of wine but if you pour the glasses big enough, you can say it was only 4).

(There is also no guarantee that there isn't still a few late night bloopers ahead of dancing to Joan Jett and you never know -  I might even stay up past 11pm once or twice.  I still love Rock n Roll and I can still put another quarter in the jukebox baby.  Just sayin')

Anyways, I have a theory about why New Year's resolutions fail so quickly and I would like to begin by saying that if you enter into your New Year's resolution "giving up" anything, I give you less than 14 days chance of success.  If you enter into a New Year's resolution with a "vision of embracing a picture of what you want your life or a change in your life to look like", I give you WAY higher odds of it working out.

"Giving up wine" - zero success

"Embracing a healthier way of life" - so far, so good (knock on wood)

***

I am a Goal Setting Freak.   

In fact, the Goal Setting Police don't even bother coming near me because I have so many different formats I make goals in, I should be on the SWAT team with them, not being sirened at.

On one list, I have 3 columns - To Be, To Do and To Have.  

This is a practice I learned at a Personal Leadership Workshop a few years ago and still continue to do year after year.

I write down in the To Be column how I want to show up.  

It could just be random words, it could be statements.   

For example, 

To Be

Aligned

Healthy

Inspiring

Happy

Grateful

Creative

Authentic

In the To Have column, I write down anything I'm hoping to achieve or purchase that year that is a big ticket item.  

A paddleboard is on my list for 2021 and a neoprene life jacket that hopefully is in pink.   

(Don't judge me - it will be hot pink, not light pink so you can see me on the water.  Maybe it will be pink camo.  Oooh, I do love camo.  I wonder if they make pink camo life jackets.)

And then the last column is To Do.

(It's a wee bit tough to write that column in a pandemic, but...)

I have things like Improving my Instagram Presence as a channel to put my writing, taking a Solo Weekend trip somewhere (preferably the Yaan Healing Energy Spa in Tulum, not that I've thought about it or anything) and maybe taking a writing workshop.

Once I'm finished, I will post that list on my Inspiration board at my front door and look at it everyday - and somehow by a little osmosis and effort, some of those things seem to happen.  

(I just need to do a little rearranging to add them in ....)

***

I also do an exercise of analysis.

In business, we would call this a Gap Analysis and I don't know what fancy term Life Coaches have for it, but a gap analysis is what it is and this is how it works.

Take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle of the page vertically.

On the left hand side of the page is the current reality we live in.   

You can draw or write it out.   

How many hours do you sleep a night?

How often do you work out?   

What is your eating regime like?

How often do you drink or smoke?

How much time do you spend at work and at home?

Do you see your friends and family?

How are your finances?

When and how do you relax?

On the right hand side, we create the vision.

What is your ideal time to wake up and go to sleep?

Do you even want to work out?   If so, how often?

What would you change about your nutrition or your eating habits?

Do you need to reduce your alcohol intake?

Are you balanced in your personal life?

What is your stress level - do you need to make more time to relax?

The gap is the middle.

It's between where you are and where you want to be - and based on how close those two columns are, it can give a great starting point for a goal or two to be created.

***

The next list I make is 1,5 and 10.

In 1 year, what is a goal of mine I want to achieve?  

(It can be more than one).

In 5 years, what is a goal of mine?  

In 10 years, what goals do I have?

What I find fascinating about this exercise is that every year my 1 year goals shift.   

My 5 and 10 year goals, however, seem to remain the same.   It's like I consistently push them off into the future.  I didn't notice it until I was doing this exercise this year and started to question myself.

(If you keep a mountain of paperwork year after year equivalent to tax documents, there are all sorts of trends and interesting self discoveries that can play out with these exercises.)

It never occurred to me until now that I potentially have a fear of success.

Interesting.

***

The last exercise I do is a Year In Review and this year, it was a toughie to look at a second time through.

I write in two books every single morning.

The first one is a journal.   

I write for thirty minutes straight as soon as I wake up.  

The second one is my Happiness Planner book.  

I write something I'm grateful for every day.   I write my main focus for the day, I track my exercise and meals, I put my to-do list and I make monthly goals and recaps.  (There is absolutely nothing neurotic about this by the way.)

I can see the evolution of the year as I look back on it.

In some aspects as I re-read the pages, the heartbreak is fresh and I relive it all over again a second time.   

The job loss, the house sale, the basement flooding, the painful emotions of transition.   

In others, my heart swells from the hugs I didn't want to let go of, the gift of an unexpected roommate, a note from the right person at the right time on the right day that made everything okay, amazing words from so many who read and share my stories with me and all the highs of 2020 despite the overhaul of change.

I have had to loosen my grip on attachment this year.   

(And not easily.   I would say with deep resistance, panicking, worrying and hanging on for dear life).

Perhaps that's one of the messages 2020 had in store.

A book I'm reading right now puts it so well - 

There will come a time when you feel grounded, peaceful and stable no matter what you are experiencing.  

However, you must always hold awareness in your heart that nothing is permanent.  

Under the disguise of closed shops, social distanced strangers, economic uncertainty, masks and fear, is a reminder that the nature of life as we know it is transient and we cannot take any of it for granted.

Perhaps this is a lesson not to put your most important things on a list for 10 years from today or wait for the Goal Setting Police to speed up the process.

We only get one shot at this thing called Life.

We might as well make all the days count.